


Do You See My Demons?

by RageAgainstTheNormal



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Ghouls, Gore, M/M, Madness, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Slight fluff, Tsukiyama Shuu Is Trash And So Am I, twisted feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5035876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageAgainstTheNormal/pseuds/RageAgainstTheNormal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr 20 Song Shuffle Challenge. </p>
<p>Slipknot-The Devil In I.</p>
<p>Kaneki struggles with madness, and Tsukiyama desperately wants to help. But with Kaneki's desperate want for ghoul flesh, can Tsukiyama truly help?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You See My Demons?

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm doing the Tumblr 20 Song Challenge. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! I'm writing this with barely any sense at all. I'm sorry for any mistakes, and the shortness of this drabble. Thank you for reading. c:

Kaneki understood now. The torment, the pain, the rage… The humanity slipping from him… He understood the simple things Touka tried to tell him. But, he was not prepared for this. This glimpse of madness that was slowly pushing him over the brink. When did he ever resort this low? When did his hunger and power-lust resort him to cannibalism?

But, it tasted so good—the flesh was coarse, a delight to bite into. It didn’t reek of human sins. It was more delicate than that, the plain human flesh. The blood was sweeter. The flesh of a ghoul was forbidden fruit, which Kaneki had stolen. No, the consequences had to be paid. There was no way to escape this. The punishment had begun, and there was no stopping it. Kaneki was trapped inside his own body, fighting the monster for control. It was harder than it seemed. Eating the delicacy was the easy, beautiful part. But now, Kaneki fully regretted it.

* * *

 

Salivation. It was a thing of disgrace. Kaneki couldn’t help it, though. He looked so yummy… His collarbone exposed, milky white flesh exposed to the dim candle light of the room. He wanted to bite it. No, to feast, to taste the flesh! It had to be his, his, only his. Kaneki laughed, tilting his head back. One eye shimmered brightly, while the other one strained a dark black, red orb bouncing wildly in insanity in his eye socket. He wanted to feast, to test the forbidden fruit once more! These chains held him too long. They called him unstable, unhealthy. The CCG would hunt him down. He had hurt it all. The 20th ward should thank him, he thought. He was helping, he was gaining power. They would, he knew it, eliminate the filthy CCG. But, he was also half human. That was the thought that made him cringe internally.

His wrists stained against the heavy metal as the frail boy arched his back off the wall, spine cracking from each twist and turn of his aching, sore muscles. He knew the figure. He knew the man’s taste, the look on his face, and that unmistakable hair. Tsukiyama Shuu had come to visit him.  Kaneki wanted to taste that beautiful flesh again. Though, these chains holding him back… They had to be undone.

“Tsukiyama… You’ve come! Are you here to break these stupid chains? They’re bugging me, Ts-Uk-E-Ya-Ma.” Kaneki said carefully, enunciating the man’s name ever so slowly. Insanity even ran through his voice. The very tone screamed ‘Insane’ at the top of its lungs. Tsukiyama would do it, right? He understood the hunger. Perhaps Kaneki would have to pull out the larger weapons…

“Please,” Came the whispery voice of Kaneki now. It was simply a game. He wanted to be undone. Not like he would behave. Insanity ran through his blood too strong for him to focus. Though mentally, Kaneki screamed. _Let me stay locked up, there’s a devil inside of me. It’s killing me. Can’t you see it?_

 

Tsukiyama hesitated. It wasn’t hard to see the tension is his tall body, eyes flashing in confusion. This Kaneki, this one filled with madness, did something horrible. He took Tsukiyama’s emotions into play. It was all a game, and this Kaneki wanted, no, needed to win. The man knelt carefully in front of the straining, bloodied boy. Kaneki looked horrible… Retch, probably from denying regular human meat, blood, grime, it all stained him. Tsukiyama wasn’t one to be injured easily, not even close. There was one other time, where Tsukiyama had collapsed on the roof on that dreadful night. He begged, pleaded, and cried for Kaneki not to leave.  Kaneki did anyways. However, he had returned, and Tsukiyama was the first to know. Kaneki had visited _him_ first. It left a tingle in the Gourmet. Things progressed after that. But now… Now it stung. It left that dreadful, sinking feeling in the ghoul’s chest. Carefully, Tsukiyama reached out a hand, warm thumb gently brushing a strand of hair from Kaneki’s eyes.

“Mon Amour… This pains us both… Why don’t you just eat? Regular food… You need to get better…” Tsukiyama said, voice quiet in the echoing darkness of the room. It was cold in the room… The tension only made it worse.

 

Kaneki flinched from the touch, blinking his eyes twice. Ts…uk…I…ya…ma… That voice… It stirred something in him. The strange part was… He didn’t know what the feeling was. Remorse? Guilt? Love? No, it couldn’t be. Kaneki clenched a fist carefully in the handcuffs, fingers scraping ever so gently across the jagged metal. “I’m fine, Tsukiyama… Please. I want to eat… Just a little… I’ll be okay!” Kaneki pleaded, dark eye wide and wild as spinning orbs focused carefully on the exposed skin once more. The ghoul salivated, letting the saliva drip onto the floor with the other pool of fluids that were a nasty red mix. “Just one bite, please.” Kaneki pleaded again. He needed it—so badly. It was hurting. The hunger tore at his stomach, chest, _everywhere_. It hurt. The white haired male tugged at the chains again, a desperate growl/sob leaving deep within his throat. This madness… Why couldn’t he simply will it away?

 

Tsukiyama paused, the chill of worry shimmering down his spine once more. _One bite_ … It couldn’t hurt, could it? It hurt him, physically hurt him to see Kaneki this depraved of a meal. It wouldn’t affect much. He was hungry. Tsukiyama had let him bite him once before as well. It was a mess, tears and all, but Kaneki was okay after that episode… Tsukiyama could only pray this would be the same. But, what if it wasn’t? What if this simple one bite of flesh lead him to a deeper insanity that no one could pull him from? It would all be his own fault then, the guilt, the burden—his. The Gourmet didn’t know if he could live with those feeling if that side of his mind was correct. Truly, Tsukiyama was weak. He couldn’t even say no to Kaneki. Not anymore, that feeling of denial was long gone, along with part of his adored Kaneki’s humanity.

“Just one bite,” Tsukiyama agreed, gently brushing a hand through the softness of white hair, letting a sigh escape his pale lips. Was this a good idea? Pushing the thoughts away, Tsukiyama reached around Kaneki, letting his warm chest touch Kaneki’s, fingers fumbling with the locks.

 

Kaneki drooled. There was no point in holding it back any longer. He was free, Tsukiyama’s flesh was so close… Once those chains were free, Kaneki could sink in… Enjoy his meal… Oh how he craved that soft flesh… Tsukiyama’s flesh was a delicacy. That’s when he heard the click. Then another, and finally, clinks. The chains hit the hard, cold ground with a clunk, making the two shiver. Arms enveloped him slowly, until the violet haired male was holding him close, neck tilted at a perfect angle to expose the milky expansion of his skin and shoulder.

“One bite.” Tsukiyama whispered. He couldn’t even fight anymore. Kaneki had won, he had Tsukiyama twisted around his finger in a whirlpool of mixed feelings and lust. Oh how The Gourmet hated emotions at times. This was one of those times.

Those two words, those beautiful silk words were the only words Kaneki needed to hear. There was no need for him drooling and dreaming anymore, his dream was reality. One bite… That’s all it was. With a grin, a grin that stretched from cheek to cheek, Kaneki splurged once more. His jaw was spread wide, just as his teeth sank into the pale skin exposed at Tsukiyama’s shoulder. Kaneki’s breath hitched, and the other male shivered, arms tightening around the younger half ghoul. The blood… It was just as delicious as he remembered... The texture of the flesh… Divine.

Kaneki moaned at the taste, sinking his teeth in as deep as he could. So what if the insanity would rule him forever? This was enough, this taste, this feeling… The flesh was enough. Something clicked then, just as Kaneki was about to enjoy the forbidden desert. The flesh wasn’t eternal. This taste wouldn’t last. No, it was Tsukiyama that would last… His teeth paused in the effort of biting down. Was this truly the right thing? Kaneki mentally scolded himself. _Enjoy the madness, Kaneki… It tasted good, doesn’t it?_ That was true… It tasted so good… Closing his mouth to let the flesh sink into his mouth, Kaneki gently winced. Tsukiyama… He was trembling. It hurt him. It hurt Tsukiyama.

 

The battle was internal, and it was a struggle. Madness, power, and flesh… Or, love, friends, and a healthy life… Greed wanted him to stay insane, let the blood lust control him. It would be fun, gaining the power. _But what would be lost in that battle?_ It was simple. Kaneki would lose the last thread of his humanity, the one he was desperately clinging to now, even though his hands were slicked with hot blood. He was falling, deep into his own Devil.

Kaneki swallowed slowly. For some reason, it went down slow, and left him with a bad taste in his mouth. His eye twitched gently, mind whirring. The madness within him screamed.  The insanity screamed. They wanted to feast more! More! Kaneki shoved the feelings away, daring to look up at the violet haired male. Tsukiyama had his eyes squeezed tightly shut, and his canine tooth was sunk into his lower lip. He felt pain, his Tsukiyama felt more pain. “Tsukiyama… I’m really okay now.” Kaneki murmured, wrapping his arms slowly around the older male. Blood stained everywhere. Vile fluid was everywhere. The two didn’t care. Kaneki carefully lifted himself into Tsukiyama’s warm lap, staring at the dark eyelashes that cascaded over Tsukiyama’s pale cheeks. Slowly, Shuu’s eyes opened.

 

Tsukiyama blinked slowly, staring down at his boyfriend. Kaneki… It worked… Though, guilt shined in Kaneki’s eyes. Normally they were so cold… Tsukiyama was just happy to see emotion in them. For now, Tsukiyama could forget the blood. For now, he could forget the mess. Kaneki, it was all about Kaneki now. Thus, he said what he was thinking. “Kaneki,” The Gourmet murmured, bloodied lips curling into a weak smile. He was back, he was back… His heart swelled, hands tightening gently to form fists in Kaneki’s ripped shirt.

Tsukiyama was warm. Kaneki enjoyed that. A sigh left the youngers lips as he gently leaned up, placing his lips against his lovers. He had broken free because of Tsukiyama again… Though the madness still lingered, it was gone for now. Kaneki could breath, could think, it was a pleasant thing.

 

The blood that smeared on the two’s lips was forbidden enough. The kiss left them breathless, Tsukiyama desperately pushing passion into it. He missed Kaneki. His touch, his warmth, his feel, his smell… There it was, all here. Tsukiyama couldn’t get enough of it. It was even more intoxicating then the blood that spread through the tongues of the lovers. Kaneki fought of dominance also, tongue tangling with the others in a silent battle. Tsukiyama panted for breath, and Kaneki shifted on his lap, daring to get even closer. These were the good days, the days where Kaneki felt somewhat human again. Snuggled in the arms of Tsukiyama… At the moment, there wasn’t anything he could ask for. The kisses felt endless, and Kaneki had to smile against his lovers lips. He didn’t want it to end. Kaneki planned to steal Tsukiyama’s breath, rather than his own humanity.

 

Though Kaneki and Tsukiyama both had their demons to fight, the two decided to fight them together. There always would be a demon inside, always a devil crawling and clawing the inside of them. But with this, Tsukiyama and Kaneki could forget. It would always be there, glooming in the dark. But for now, this light, this passion, this love… It kept the demons at bay. Tsukiyama couldn’t ask for more.


End file.
